"You're Shit"
Struggles with Staying Creative and Keeping Imposter Syndrome at Bay
I’ve had a difficult time of late when it comes to composing music. The “muse” seems to have deserted me, and I’ve found myself procrastinating by doing any and every task possible to avoid actually committing anything in my head to the computer. Of course, I justified this by telling myself that various things had come up—work has been challenging, and I’ve been tired due to being on an 850-calorie-a-day diet (in the form of delicious shakes that have sapped all my will to live).
Work certainly hasn’t helped. Performing to the standard required, especially during a difficult period for the company, and then finding the energy to be a father and write industry-level music is bloody hard. I’ve found myself sleeping more, which I personally think is an avoidance tactic.
The trouble is, library music is a numbers game, and you need to keep those numbers up. You have to keep churning out great music, especially in this climate, to even stand a chance. Thankfully, I found support in a great group at https://www.52cues.com
, who not only offer amazing advice but also have a brilliantly supportive community. You can check out Dave Kropf, its founder, on YouTube, and I highly suggest you do. He knows his stuff, and most importantly, in my mind, he’s a nice guy who gives you a sense that you can achieve what you want to.
So, why so sad (to quote the Manics)? I don’t really know. I think I’m just downright tired. I booked the day off work today and completed a cue that I started a while ago, which shows that I can do it. But the lure of the bed is still calling to me. I hope it’s not something more sinister waiting in the wings—which it often is—but for now, all I can do is try to maintain some discipline and keep on going.
No answers, I’m afraid. Except this: check out 52 Cues—it’s a great community—and just plough on. The momentum will pick up again, I hope, and when it does, I’ll be pleased that I didn’t just waste time in the interim.
Take care of yourselves, and much love.